[2011 Gayo Daejun Special] KBS - The Okay, The Boring and The Sleep-Inducing

I think the title alone is a big giveaway of how the KBS Gayo Daejun was. Sometimes sleep-incuding, most of the time boring, and occasionally okay. Yup, that's about right. It was a smaller venue than the SBS and KBS ones, which means that KBS should've had an easier time handling the sound quality and such, but I'm afraid that was not the case, because vocals during the latter parts of the show were horrid. Plus the fact that the people in the audience were practically zombies, and the acts looked bored out of their wits, as if they were forced to appear on the show. Which they probably were.

I wanted the acts jumping through hoops and fire, KBS, HOOPS AND FIRE. I got none of that. At all. Even from my beloved DBSK. How dare you.

Two things before we start. This recap focuses only on idols, so the other acts who appeared on the show, rappers and the like, will not be included in the selection. And also, I wanted to get this out as fast as possible before everyone forgets about the Gayo Daejuns. So due to the fact that today is a school night and I have a mountain of readings to tackle (ALREADY!! *sobs*), plus I'm about to collapse from fatigue and stress and general exhaustion, the videos and other formatting details will have to wait until tomorrow when I'm a bit more alive. Please don't ask me for the videos, because writing this up took a so much effort, and a lot of strong coffee.

Before we get to the three main categories of this recap, there is one performance that deserves a special mention. Not because it's amazingly good, but because it was horribly blasphemous.

Kim Hyun Joong - "Rainism"
If Rain saw this, he'd bawl his eyes out because it's so bad. It's even too bad to be a parody, because parodies are deliberately made bad, so they can be funny (did anyone see that Kim Shin Young parody where the lyrics were about food?), but Kim Hyun Joong was as serious as serious can be. And really now, even if Rain wasn't exactly K-Pop's best singer, at least he could sing his own songs! This performance was LIP-SYNCHED, and it was STILL bad. The dancing wasn't that hot, the vocals were pathetic and painful, especially towards the end when he tried to do those runs, and this was a useless performance. Absolutely useless.

THE BORING

Davichi - "Don't Say Goobye"
It's a gorgeous song, and a gorgeous arrangement, with those epic drums and the stunning and flawless harmonies, but it was soooooooooo boring. The only thing keeping me awake was the thought that their voices were really gorgeous, and the harmonies kinda gave me little slaps on the face to keep me from drifting to sleep. And it didn't help that they were the only ones on stage and they were just standing there. I don't talk about it much, but I've always believed that the visual aspect of a performance is important too. Always second to the music, yes, but without the visuals you get performances like this.

4Minute - "Mirror Mirror"
It was interesting enough until they started singing, with all the back-up dancers behind them and the white coats against the dark backdrop, but it just got boring once they started singing. The dance break was okay, and Gayoon standing alone on stage kinda woke me up a bit, but once the singing started again there were nothing special, even with the remix and all the flashing lights.

U-Kiss - "Neverland"
I understand that they were trying to do the "epic" sound with this re-arrangement, but it completely sucked all the life out of the song. That's not just because their vocals were muffled, but because the instrumental was so one-dimensional. They tried to put some kick in it, but failed miserably. The entire performance sounded like U-Kiss were submerged in a tub of jello, and all you hear are muffled screams.

f(x) - "Danger"
Everything about this performance looked, and sounded, so robotic. Except Luna's line, but everything was so stiff, and Amber looked bored. There's a difference between orchestrated down to the last detail and robotic, and this performance was robotic.

Secret - "Shy Boy"+"Love is MOVE"
I adore the re-arrangement of "Shy Boy", it had spunk to it, but what ultimately bored me to death was the fact that "Shy Boy" was lip-synched. Their vocals were too clean for the performance, too smooth for something that should be really high-energy and lively, because of the nature of the processing. But on the other hand, their live vocals on "Love is MOVE" were weak, and that bored me too, because it sounded just like a regular weekly music show. I'm better off watching an episode of MuBank, the sound might even be better.

SNSD - "The Boys"
This was just like any other performance of "The Boys", and it wasn't even done extraordinarily well, in fact, they sounded even more strangled than they usually do, and that was the only thing that kept me awake, to be honest with you.

2PM - "Electricity"+"Hands Up"
"Electricity" was okay, but when you slow "Hands Up" down, it sounds even worse. It's repetitive, it's monotonous, and the instrument is very one-dimensional, so it literally sounds like you just slowed the song down at home and played it at a New Year's Eve party with your family and friends. It just goes on and on and on and on. If not for their stage presence, this would've put me to sleep from the very beginning.

THE SLEEP INDUCING

f(x), 4Minute, Infinite, IU, Super Junior, - K-Pop Shuffle Dance Special/K-Pop To The World
Oh dear. The lights gave me a headache, and the dubstep overload just put me to sleep. Gee, thanks KBS. You clearly didn't want me to watch the rest of your show. Seriously, even with the hooks under the heavy looping, the thing just went on and on and on and oooooooooooon. And they were essentially just doing a bunch of dance steps over and over and over and overrrrrrr. Although, the one thing that amused me was the fact that "Mr. Simple", without the heavy remixing, fit right in to the medley. That just goes to show how shallow that song is.

BEAST - "Fiction"
You know, when the performers themselves look like they're bored out of their wits and scream half-hearted "let's go!"'s, it affects their entire performance. Everything. And BEAST performed - sang, danced - like zombies. It's not even funny or incredibly bad, it's so pitiful that I just wanted to sleep through it to not see it. And it doesn't help that Hyunseung completely destroyed his high note. Even when they changed the arrangement towards the end, they still looked half-asleep, and the guy singing looked like he was about to cry. There was absolutely no kick to this performance, and it's such a shame because I expect a lot from BEAST.

Kim Hyun Joong - "Lucky Guy"
This is definitely a better choice, over "Break Down", because it's just that much more lively and fits Hyun Joong's vocals, but it STILL put me to sleep. It didn't help that this came over that horrid shuffle dance medley, so I was still half asleep. Even if it's a lively song, Hyun Joong's vocals have absolutely no sense of dynamics, nor do they have any body, and so he effectively made this performance flat. The best part was the end.

IU - "Good Day"+"You and I"
Strong, consistent, vocals, but the remix was so boring and generic that, once again, it sucked out all the life out of the song. And even if IU's vocals are nice, they're pretty thin around the edges, and so she needs kick to her arrangements. This was just flat, so her vocals turned too cute and too weak, albeit okay. And it put me off for the rest of the performance, so when "You and I" came on I was already knocked out and asleep. And no amount of bouncy, IU could've erased the boring arrangement she just did beforehand.

The Okay

Infinite - "Paradise"+"Be Mine"
The lights on the suits, although not exactly original, were a nice touch and an okay way to open the show. Nothing especially spectacular happened on this performance, but their vocals were pretty solid for Infinite standards, the dance intro was well-prepared and practiced (no one forgot anything), and the transitions, from the dance to the remix of "Paradise", to another dance break and finally to "Be Mine", were clean. The fact that this is one of the best performances of the night should not only be a compliment to Infinite, but an insult to KBS.

SISTAR - "SO COOL"
I never thought I'd see the day where I'd put a SISTAR performance among the best, but really, after the boring performances that came before, this was a welcome relief. And it's not like SISTAR are completely talentless, only 3/4 of them! Hyorin's vocals were incredibly strong as usual, and for the first time I didn't notice their lack of grace that much. I see improvement!

Miss A - "Goodbye Baby"
Brilliant re-arrangement. I loved the drums during the intro, even if they were pretty useless for the rest of the song, but I also adore the arrangement of the song itself, with just that hint of rock elements, including real drums (!!), but also enough of the original, familiar, arrangement! And they pulled this off much, much better than the SBS re-arrangement! Strong vocals, good concept, fitting re-arrangement. Best performance of the night? Best performance of the night.

Wonder Girls - "Be My Baby"
The beginning was messy, I don't know if it was on purpose or what, but their choreography was all over the place. Their vocals were strong, and up until the dance break it was actually really boring. All I could think of was that if I wanted to see a performance like this, I could've watched a weekly music show. Even their comeback was more flashy than that. But the end kind of resurrected them, and it was so amusing to hear Ye Eun and Sun Ye actually singing what should've been autotuned. I'd say, as a whole, this is okay verging on boring.

DBSK/HoMin - "Before U Go"+"Why? (Keep Your Head Down)"
This was not their best. It wasn't, and I'm disappointed, but their heavily overdubbed vocals could've been because this was pre-recorded and SME couldn't help but show off their flashy studios. HOWEVER, if you listen well enough (like I know many of you did!), it's rather clear that they're actually singing and not just relying on the overdub because their vocals were actually consistent. And that's something these new acts have to learn. Like what I said about their SBS performance, DBSK are, first and foremost, singers, and so even with the overdub, it's courtesy to the audience to sing live for a live performance. And that's what separates them from their back-up dancers, that's why they're the featured artist on their albums. Not because they look good, go on variety shows, and dance on stage, but because they sing.

11 Albums You HAD to Hear in 2011

I thought of mixing things up a bit this year, so instead of just laying down the best albums that came out in the past twelve months, I'm going to be talking about the albums that caught my ears, and maybe even eyes, this year. They are on the list not necessarily because they're amazing albums (but I have those too!), but because they've been talked about, or they've broken records, and basically because they've caught my attention. Therefore, I won't just be talking about the music, so I hope it's a welcome change!


The rules:

1. This list is exclusively for releases which contain FIVE (5) or more tracks. A mini-album must have the minimum five tracks, whereas a full-length one should feature at least TEN (10) original tracks. Only cuts which were released for the first time in 2011 are eligible to be counted. For example, in SNSD's Japanese album "GIRLS' GENERATION", "Genie" and "Gee" were Japanese singles in 2010, not 2011, and so they will not be included in the final, technical, count (exclusively for eligibility and classification), however they can be talked about in the review proper.
2. The featured artist must be an idol or idol group and of Korean nationality, regardless of where the album was released and what nationality the production staff were.
3. The featured artist must be the sole artist on least 75% of the songs on the album. So, for example, G.NA's "Black and White" (let's pretend rule #1 doesn't exist for now, because half of that album was from 2010) contains TEN (10) tracks. However, in SIX (6) of those ten tracks, she shares credits with other artists. Therefore, the album is disqualified.
4. One album per artist, regardless of territory. If the artist had two albums this year, only one can appear on the list.

I will not be writing full reviews for the eleven albums on the list, however, if available, I will refer you guys to my reviews of the albums, or singles. I don't have enough time to write eleven full reviews, but I hope the 2-3 paragraphs I wrote will suffice.

The Album: Super Junior - "Mr. Simple"
The Format: Full-Length
The Release: August 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "Mr. Simple"
The PRN Review: N/A
The Reason: Because according to Hanteo, and several other Korean sales charts, this is the biggest-selling album in Korea for 2011. So far. Do I think it deserves that title? Honestly, no. And that's why it caught my attention, because this is the business side of the industry at work -- you don't just have to have superior material to be popular, you also need buying power and armies of fans who will buy anything you release at the drop of a hat. And sometimes, you can't have both. The material on "Mr. Simple" aren't the dregs of the earth or anything, but so much more could've been done, considering that one, Super Junior aren't completely lacking in talent, and two, SM Entertainment clearly have the money and manpower to get better material. I mean, if you put together a sub-par album then put Super Junior's name on it, since the buying public is stupid, then no one will really notice how bad the album is, right? "Mr. Simple" also demonstrates how stupid all these capitalists are for thinking that we're stupid.
The Recommended Track(s): "Opera", "My Love, My Kiss, My Heart"

The Album: Wonder Girls - "Wonder World"
The Format: Full-Length
The Release: November 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "Be My Baby"
The PRN Review: Full Review, Best of 2011 - "Me, In"
The Reason: Best album of the year, and most definitely worth the long wait. I went from being this close to absolutely hating their Korean material, to worshipping the ground they walk on. I don't do that very often. But somehow, in this massive shift, the Wonder Girls managed to keep the sound that makes them, themselves. "Wonder World" is cohesive yet diverse, it's fresh yet familiar but confident, and the material is not only top-grade, it's also well-executed. Outstanding song selection and strong production, but not too strong, giving the album some character. Catchy hooks, simple melodies, a whole array of synth loops, and everything your standard pop album has to have these days, but done in a sophisticated and musical manner.  "Wonder World" is pop down to the last note, and it's not ashamed of that, but it also has kick. With tracks like "Me, In", why wouldn't it? It's one of those albums that you have to listen to from start to finish over and over and over again.
The Recommended Track(s): "Girls Girls", "Me, In", "Stop!", "Sweet Dreams", "G.N.O."

The Album: BEAST - "Fiction and Fact"
The Format: Full-Length
The Release: May 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "Fiction"
The PRN Review: Full Review, Best of 2011 - "Though I Call"
The Reason: BEAST are solid proof that effort can, and will, go a long way. They have talent, they have good songs, but unlike other acts, they also put in actual effort to make up for what they lack in. Even if they got what is possibly the best material Cube ever provided, the album was a success because they knew how to deliver the material and how to make it work for them. The songs on "Fiction and Fact" have the potential to be classics, and it's not exactly impossible now that BEAST have the influence they have now. And also, the material allowed us to both look at how far BEAST have come, but also see what they still have to improve on, and something to make us look forward to their next release.
The Recommended Track(s): "You", "Virus", "Though I Call"

The Album: DBSK/Tohoshinki/HoMin - "TONE"
The Format: Full-Length
The Release: November 2011, Japan
The Lead Single: "Why? (Keep Your Head Down)"
The PRN Review: N/A
The Reason: It's DBSK, that's why. Even if it's just Yunho and Changmin now, doesn't mean it can't be brilliant. Despite the fact that DBSK are of Korean descent and thus are eligible for the "K-Pop" categories of major Japanese retailers' charts (like other Japanese-language releases by K-Pop acts such as SNSD and KARA), they do not appear on them. Instead, they are counted as a J-Pop act and are the only K-Pop group ranked alongside J-Pop artists. (see: my soompi article on HMV Japan's year-end rankings) Despite the influx of Korean acts in Japan, DBSK (and BoA!) are still much, much higher up the respect ladder than everyone else, and this album is solid proof of that. While the rest of the Hallyu wave is merely scraping the surface of Japan, DBSK are already a part of the Japanese industry. "TONE" is an amazing album, whether you hear it in CDQ or MP3, because every single track matters, and every single track was thought through and delivered outstandingly, but with such ease. Filler tracks, what filler tracks?
The Recommended Track(s): "Back To Tomorrow", "Thank U My Girl", "Duet", "I Don't Know"

Tohoshinki - Superstar PV from cTVXQmusic on Vimeo.

The Album: SNSD/Girls' Generation - "GIRLS' GENERATION"
The Format: Full-Length
The Release: June 2011, Japan
The Lead Single: "Genie"
The PRN Review: Single Review - "Mr. Taxi", Best of 2011 - "Let It Rain"
The Reason: It was SNSD's first Japanese album, the best-selling K-Pop album in Tower Records Japan during the first half of the year (despite being out for only a month prior to the chart), and it was their ticket to this year's Kouhaku Uta Gassen. In short, it was massively successful. And it's probably one of the most cohesive SNSD albums. Ever. With material from Swedish producers like Jörgen Elofsson, strong A&R, and generally okay vocals from the girls, this is probably the best album SNSD have ever released. Of course "Gee" sticks out like a sore thumb, and so does "Genie" at times, but the album proper, and the new material first heard in Japanese, is really good. Months after it's release, and a few hundred plays later, the good songs are still as good as they were back in June.
The Recommended Track(s): "you-aholic", "Let It Rain", "BORN TO BE A LADY", "Mr. Taxi"

The Album: MBLAQ- "Mona Lisa"
The Format: Mini
The Release: July 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "Mona Lisa"
The PRN Review: Best of 2011 - "Mona Lisa"
The Reason: Apart from actually being a good, solid album, "Mona Lisa" was what I had been waiting for since day one. Like I said earlier this month, this EP is still not enough to make up for the disaster of the debut they had back in 2009, but it's a step in the right direction. We have actual songs now, people, ACTUAL SONGS! They've managed to deliver good, solid songs, without losing the MBLAQ sound, a bit thin around the edges and trying to be a Michael Jackson song, among others. And, I never thought I'd say this, but the album is filled with gorgeous songs. Stunning, almost. Everything, from "Mona Lisa" down to the last track, they're all such a pleasure to listen to. "Mona Lisa" is as cohesive as it is gorgeous, and it's also one of the few albums I can listen to without skipping a single track.
The Recommended Track(s): "Mona Lisa", "One", "말하지 말걸.."

The Album: Brown Eyed Girls - "Sixth Sense"
The Format: Mini
The Release: September 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "Sixth Sense"
The PRN Review: SOOMPI - single review ("Cleansing Cream")
The Reason: "Sixth Sense" is girl group master class, courtesy of the Brown Eyed Girls. Even if you don't like their music, because even I'm very picky with the BEG songs I like, you have to hand it to these girls because my gosh the attitude is literally spilling out of the album. Even for a toned-down song like "La Boheme", which is also my favorite track. It's half the material, because the songs are so distinct yet tie together nicely, and half their strong vocals. They pull off the material because they actually have the vocals to jump through hoops and fire. While all the other girl groups were either going the cute route or trying way too hard to be edgy and "fierce" (I'm talking to you, SNSD and "The Boys"), the Brown Eyed Girls don't even have to lift a finger and BAM you have "Sixth Sense", both the album and the gorgeous, gorgeous single. Listen to it for the sake of hearing what kind of attitude everyone else should be channeling, regardless of the song.
The Recommended Track(s): "La Boheme", "Sixth Sense"

The Album: Big Bang - "The Fourth Mini Album"
The Format: Mini
The Release: February 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "TONIGHT"
The PRN Review: The First Quarter Report
The Reason: Big Bang not only did a lot for their careers this year, they also did a lot for K-Pop. I know I kept quiet about their EMA win, but I'd rather it be them than a lot of other acts who could've very well been nominated as well, because even if I don't worship Big Bang, they, as musicians, have my respect, something I don't give out a lot in k-pop. Their 2011 offering was tight, cohesive, strong, and distinctly Big Bang. Catchy hooks, synths all over the place, and your usual Big Bang chaos were all present, but with a fresher, more current sound. Even without watching their performances and just listening to the album, I could literally imagine the five of them running around and going wild on stage.
The Recommended Track(s): "SOMEBODY TO LOVE", "TONIGHT"

The Album: Infinite - "OVER THE TOP"
The Format: Full-length, counting the repackaged tracks
The Release: July 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "Be Mine"/"PARADISE"
The PRN Review: N/A
The Reason: To the industry, and the fans, Infinite's success was one of the year's biggest surprises. You have here a group from a rather small talent agency, with okay, but not brilliant or stellar, vocals, and they actually won Inkigayo and M!Countdown this year. And who were they up against on Inkigayo? Oh, no one. Just the Brown Eyed Girls, KARA, Super Junior, B1A4, Davichi and Sung Shi Kyung. Although 4 wins is a far cry from the likes of DBSK, Big Bang, SNSD, BoA and a host of others, they have laid down the foundations, and they can only go up from here. "OVER THE TOP" is not the year's strongest album, but it's a solid effort, and a solid base to take off from now that Infinite are no longer rookies. It's a well-rounded and well-done album, that's very sure of itself, but it also leaves a lot of room for Infinite to grow with their subsequent releases, which I'll be eagerly waiting for!
The Recommended Track(s): "Amazing", "Julia", "Be Mine", "Paradise", "Because", "Tic Toc"

The Album: G.NA - "Top Girl"
The Format: Mini
The Release: August 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "Top Girl"
The PRN Review: Best of 2011 - "Banana (Feat. SWINGS, JC지은)"
The Reason: Because everyone should know of the injustice that is being done to G.NA. Sure, she's not the best singer in k-pop right now, she's a bit flimsy around the edges, but she's probably the most stable and one of the best voices in Cube! And she got *this* as a "big comeback single"? Blasphemy. The rest of the album, although the two recommended tracks are pretty, sound like leftovers from BEAST and 4Minute (and 4Minute didn't exactly get good material this year either) and even if I like "Banana", G.NA can't sing that song live even if she tried really hard. It's such a waste, because k-pop finally gets a young solo artist that is more pop than ballad, and who is actually from a talent agency with actual influence in the industry, and they just ruin her. "I'll Back Off So You Can Live" was light years better than this, I want that back.
The Recommended Track(s): "싫어", "Without You"

The Album: JYJ - "IN HEAVEN"
The Format: Full-length
The Release: September 2011, South Korea
The Lead Single: "IN HEAVEN"
The PRN Review: Full Review
The Reason: With all the intrigue that surrounded JYJ this year, and will probably continue to surround them next year, it's good to know why SME is so afraid of them that they take all these drastic measures to ensure that JYJ never promote this album on Korean TV, including banning "Pierrot" for mentioning "PSM", which apparently means "President Soo Man". JYJ denied it, and even if it's most probably true that it has something to do with SM, they didn't explicitly state it for heaven's sake! A "guess" cannot be grounds for banning a song. It's also good to know why, even amidst all the stupidity JYJ were faced with, this is still one of the biggest-selling albums of the year. Despite not being spoon-fed prime material from local and foreign songwriters and not boasting of "foreign producers" (they've already had their fill of that, thank you very much), JYJ deliver a solid effort with "IN HEAVEN". There's much to improve, yes, and it's only right that they learn to walk before they run, but for what it is, "IN HEAVEN" is a good album.
The Recommended Track(s): "Get Out", "Boy's Letter", "IN HEAVEN", "You're"

Agree? Disagree? What albums did I miss out on? Comment away! ^_^

The 2011 Pop Reviews Now Holiday Special Part 1: "2011 SMTOWN Winter: The Warmest Gift"

Just a quick explanation of how I'm doing this year's Christmas posts. So, obviously this SM TOWN Christmas album is part 1, and for part 2 I'll be reviewing some of my favorite K-Pop Christmas offerings, both old and new. Rules and stuff will be discussed in part 2. But now, on to more important business.

It's been a good three years since any sort of SM Town release, the last being the half-SM Town Summer 2009 EP with Super Junior, SHINee and DBSK. If you remember correctly, we were told that the other half of SM Town, namely the girls, would be featured on the Christmas album. Well, clearly that didn't happen. But FINALLY, SM has decided to put something out in time for Christmas. Is it any good? Well, that's a pretty long story.

When news of this album first broke, I was ecstatic. Of course, SM Town isn't SM Town without a fail Yoochun English rap, a Jaejoong/Lina or Jaejoong/BoA duet, or some goofing around courtesy of Shindong and Eunhyuk's rap part, but I could do without that if it meant getting one song with everyone thrown in, acting happy in a fake-snow wonderland. Right? That was until I found out that not only was there no group song this year (WHAT KIND OF BLASPHEMY IS THIS?!), but the album would be 100% English. Let's just say that if Yoochun, who actually spent more than a few days in the US, manages to epicly screw up all his English parts, what more the others. And let's face it, there are only a handful of SM Town artists who can actually speak good English. I'm still thinking of whether or not BoA is in that handful.

And once again, my psychic powers did not fail. The English is horrible. I'm an English major(well, comparative literature, but I'm still under the English department), I know. But the bad English isn't really the big problem, it's the fact that it's in English.

Let me put it simply, the album is too Americanized. It's hardly K-Pop anymore. Say all you want to say about how K-Pop is just a rip-off of Western music, but you know, even if majority of the songs probably are, you can tell the difference between K-Pop and American pop. You know why I'm into K-Pop? It's because I'm so sick of US Pop, and here we are, back to the very sound I want to avoid.

The problem with it sounding too American is that one, obviously they're not American, but two, really now, what good, distinctively Christmassy POP songs have the Americans contributed to the standard Christmas repertoire? "All I Want For Christmas Is You"? Seriously now. "Last Christmas"? You have got to be kidding me. They're merely pop songs with Christmas lyrics about gifts and snow. There’s so much more to a Christmas song than that. This SM Town album sounds like a confused Rat Pack-turned-makeshift Christmas album, to be completely honest.

This album is massively confused. Massively. So either the song itself isn't K-Pop enough, or when they finally get the song choice right, they screw up the execution. My prime example? Jang Ri In's version of "Oh Holy Night", which is actually one of my favorite Christmas songs. The girl has a gorgeous voice, she really does, and what does she do? She murders the song. All those runs and those strange sounds she makes with her voice. No, just no. There's a reason why the Christina Aguilera Christmas album was a complete failure.

Yes, I'm very picky with Christmas songs, but that's only because my childhood was filled with some of the most gorgeous Christmas songs anyone will ever hear. I grew up not only listening to them, but singing them as well. I know my Christmas repertoire - everything from the classic Handel's "Messiah" to Filipino novelty Christmas songs where you make sounds out of combs and pieces of wax paper, to the most tear-jerking, yet most distinctly Filipino Christmas song you will ever hear, I've sung them all. So imagine going from all those, to a bunch of pop songs that don't even sound like Christmas. They are inferior not because they are pop songs, there are some gorgeous pop Christmas songs (DBSK's "Winter Rose" for heaven's sake!), they are inferior because they don't sound like Christmas, they don't serve their purpose.


You want me to tell you what Christmas sounds like? Christmas sounds like a cup of hot chocolate, rich and creamy and sweet, it sounds like a thick blanket wrapped around you, keeping you warm. It sounds like bells ringing in the distance and lights all over, it sounds like you're being surrounded with your family and friends and you're all happy. Christmas songs literally wrap you around in a nice, warm, hug, and refuse to let go. Christmas is such a simple feeling, but it overpowers everything else. Now regardless of how that gets translated into music, that's the standard framework of a Christmas song, and the minute you deviate from that even a bit, you lose the Christmas. All of it.

I don't care if you want to add electric guitars (like Aly&AJ's "Greatest Time of the Year"), go all-out with synths and loops and the works (surprisingly, JYP Nation's "This Christmas"), make everything epic and waltz-y (a-la DBSK's "Winter Rose"), keep it to a bare minimum (Josh Groban's "Thankful), or even make it kinda reggae-ish (like the brilliant Nota a cappella version of "The Little Drummer Boy", complete with a RAP PART), bottom line is that it has to leave people warm and fuzzy.

With the SM Town album, I felt nothing. Nada. Zilch. The entire album sounded like a pop album released any time BUT the holidays, it sounds so clean, too clean almost, and Christmas is not a cleaning contest on who can use the most sanitized production, it’s a contest of who can make the most emotional, goosebump-inducing song. No feeling whatsoever, they all sound like robots. Don't get me wrong, there are gorgeous songs on this album, namely BoA's "Distance", that song is stunning, but they're just not Christmas. Let me put this nicely, even T-Ara's "O My God", which I'm not even sure if it's a Christmas song, sounds more like Christmas than this entire album put together.

Unlike your usual pop song which lasts for a few months before becoming completely irrelevant, when you release a Christmas song, the standard shelf life is forever. Yes, forever. For the good ones, at least. My Christmas playlist this year includes pop Christmas songs that were released as early as 1998. 98 Degrees, BSB, that staple *NSYNC "O Holy Night" 5-part a cappella arrangement, Blue's "Gift", Aly&AJ, and even the DBSK Christmas EP - they're all still relevant. That's because Christmas never grows old, and people will always have a need for a Christmas repertoire. Which is why no one should be surprised that the most familiar "classical" pieces are in fact the Christmas offerings.

In simpler terms, "2011 SMTOWN Winter: The Warmest Gift" is more novel than it is lasting. The arrangements are faddish, the over-all sound very current, but under those you have nothing that can transcend time and cement these songs as Christmas staples. In colloquial Filipino/Taglish, this album is a "one time big time", and does not have the lasting qualities of other, better, Christmas releases. And actually, some of the songs on this package sound more like they belong on the acts' respective albums, and not a CHRISTMAS-themed compilation.

Super Junior's "Santa U Are The One", excusing the horrid English on the chorus (Ear after ear? Seriously?), sounds like a pop song they just slapped some bells on, and some lyrics about happiness and Santa. That's it. It's SO Big Time Rush (but even BTR made a better Christmas song than SuJu)/One Direction ala-"What Makes You Beautiful". I mean it's an okay song, nice and happy and upbeat, and I'd probebly listen to it a lot if it were not for the "ear after ear", but that's all it will ever be, and that's not it's purpose. When I first heard this, I thought it sounded nothing like Christmas, as in nothing at all, but actually, after listening to the rest of the album, this is probably the song that's closest to getting what Christmas songs should be. But still not enough.

I hate the covers on this thing. I hate them. DBSK's "Sleigh Ride" is the biggest disappointment. Because seriously, we went from "Winter Rose" to this monstrosity. This is one of the rare instances that I will consent to a version in another language, because seriously, DBSK should've just done an English version of "Winter Rose". Now THAT is a song that can be milked for all it's worth, because it’s shelf life is literally forever. But no, they had to give DBSK a cheesy cover of "Sleigh Ride", that actually makes them sound sleazy, to be honest.

And really now, SHINee's "Last Christmas" has got to be one of the worst covers of one of the most cheesy, cheap Christmas songs ever released.

It was bad enough when Wham! did it, for heaven's sake. Then they SM-ify everything? Oh dear. The production is okay, and I kinda like the outer space-like synths, but you mix those with some of the most uninterested, boring and lazy vocals I've ever heard from SHINee and you have a disaster. I'm serious, they all sound bored out of their wits, which they probably were, and for once, I would've liked Jonghyun to go wild, because seriously, I fell asleep listening to this song, and not in the good way.

J-Min's cover of the John Lennon song "Happy X-Mas (War Is Over)" is okay, nothing special, and the girl has a nice voice, but once again, it sounds so uninspired. And boring.

As far as "The First Noel" covers go, DBSK win by light years. So I thought that since SM was behind their cover, the Jang Ri In verson would be really good too. Boy was I wrong. I like some parts of the arrangement, like the simple piano part, those gorgeous strings, and the drums, but you know what it sounds like as a whole, including that oriental-sounding instrument? It sounds like an American's attempt to make something "oriental", like "Ninja Assassin" or whatever. And that really disturbs me, because Jang Ri In is CHINESE, and SME is a KOREAN company. I don't get it, and don't think I ever will. To top it all off, like I said earlier, the vocals totally ruined the song. Totally. Why do you have to put all those unnecessary runs and strange vocal techniques into a song that's supposed to be nice, and quiet and simple then it's supposed to explode, but in the really big and tasteful way. Then Ri In just does a Christina/Mariah on it.

BoA's "Distance" is gorgeous, it really is. I love it and I'll probably be looping this for the next few days, but it's still not Christmas enough. "Distance" actually reminds me a lot of a Stacie Orrico/Young CCM-type song, in terms of treatment. The harmonies, and even the instrumentation, sound like something straight off Stacie Orrico’s self-titled album. Which is very, very, VERY far from Christmas. And that bugs me. There's a difference between "gorgeous pop song" goosebumps and "Christmas song" goosebumps, and the goosebumps I got this time were the "gorgeous pop song" ones. Basically, the only part of the song that made it remotely Christmas is the lyrics, and that's a foul. Which is such a shame because BoA has had some really amazing, really Christmassy, releases over the years, and even if "Distance" does match up in terms of gorgeousness, it fails at being Christmas. When you talk of BoA Christmas songs, "On December 27th" is still, hands-down, the best of them all, not even "Meri Kuri" comes close.

SNSD’s “Diamond”, and I'm not sure if I've ever used this analogy, but it kinda sounds like something that would fit right in to the Christmas talent show set list on "Mean Girls", you know, when the slutty, popular girls trying to sing and dance at the same time in skimpy Santa outfits and high heels? Maybe not that drastic, but the chorus is EXACTLY like that. However, the middle 8, and that small bit before it (which I presume is Sunny's part) is gorgeous. Stunning, almost. And actually, it's probably the most Christmas I've heard on the entire album, but then we go back to the uninspired chorus. It's not as boring as the SHINee track, but even for SNSD they can do better.

f(x)'s “1,2,3” also sounds nothing like a Christmas song, bar those strings which were probably just thrown in last-minute. It actually sounds more like the theme song for a FRIENDS rip-off, like, really. It sounds like it belongs on a Disney chick-flick soundtrack (Kinda like that song that's on the "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" soundtrack, which, conveniently, is also called "1,2,3"), not an SM Town Christmas album.

While we're on the topic of songs that sound like they belong elsewhere, CSJH (DANA&SUNDAY)'s "Amazing" sounds more like a charity single ala-Destiny Child's "Stand Up For Love". Pretty far from Christmas, if you ask me. Not that I oppose to Christmas ballads, but again, there's a way to do it without completely missing the point. And it's not that I don't like the song either, I do, it's gorgeous and Dana and Sunday's voices are stunning and the middle 8 kills me every single time, then by the time that stunning piano line comes in just before everything explodes with the chorus behind I die again, but yet again, THIS IS NOT CHRISTMAS. Same goes for Kangta's "For The First Time", Kangta's voice is stunning, but this sounds more like a Disney animated fairytale song that plays just when the prince is about to kiss the princess/girl. It actually sounds like something straight out of Aladdin. Again, pretty far from Christmas, if you ask me.

TRAX's "Like A Dream" sounds like what I kind of expected TRAX to do, but it's too clean, like they sucked all the emotion out of the song and left it to rot. In terms of "band"-ish K-Pop Christmas offerings, actually Infinite's "Lately" takes the prize. I'm sorry, TRAX, but this song sounds more like those tracks you put behind a montage of tour videos and screaming crowds and bands going wild on stage. All in back and white. And in reality, those tracks are usually the cheesiest, filler of filler tracks.



And, of course, a special Christmassy wrap-up:
The most Christmassy song: Thankfully, "Santa U Are The One"
The great, but not Christmassy songs: "Distance", "1,2,3", "Amazing"
The worst song: "Last Christmas"